Core Beliefs

Core Beliefs: 4 Steps to Shifting Negative Self-Talk

 

Think of core beliefs as the glasses we wear that influence the“shade” we view the world around us. It is the framework in how we move through life. Our core belief is not only closely linked to how we view the world, but how we view ourselves.

The “shades” we wear on a day-to-day basis create our thoughts. Our thoughts dictate our emotions, and our emotions dictate our behavior. How we view the world has a strong influence on what we think, feel, and do. If your core belief (or “shade”) is primarily centered on shame, fear, guilt, worry, or despair- that belief system becomes your inner voice. Often, complex trauma, sudden stressors, unexpected events, or adverse childhood experiences result in the development of a negative core belief. That inner voice can be one you choose to believe, which highly influences how you respond to life’s stressors. These messages become engrained in us, and we begin to view them not as beliefs, but as truths.

Core beliefs are also known as schemas, which are formed early in life and are not always in our conscious awareness. Schemascould be positive or negative, but the most influential ones are rooted in unmet needs during childhood.

Common Core Beliefs

- “I’m unlovable”

- “The world is dangerous”

- “People will reject me”

- “My needs are not important”

- “People will leave me if I get close”

- “I can’t handle anything”

- “I have to make others happy”

- “Everything is my fault”

Step One: Identifying Your Core Belief

Automatic thoughts and core beliefs are synonymous with one another, and once you can identify your automatic thoughts when faced with a triggering situation, you can begin to explore your own core belief and ultimately take steps to change it.

An effective way to identify your core belief is with the downward arrow technique, an effective strategy to uncover how our thoughts influence our emotions and behavior.

The first step is to choose a triggering event to focus on.

Next, ask yourself a set of sequential questions, which may include:

 “What is my first thought?”

“So then what?”

“What does that mean?”

“If that were true, then what?”

and “Why does that bother me?” 

Situation:

“My friend cancels coffee plans with me last minute.”

What is your initial automatic thought?

“She always does this to me.”

If that were the case, what does that mean to you?

“I must not be interesting enough to keep plans with.”

If that were true, then what?

“I will never have friend’s who invite me places.”

What would that mean?

“That I’m not fun to be around or good looking.”

Why does that bother you?

“Because that would mean nobody likes me.”

If that were true, then what?

“Then I will always be alone.”

If that happened, what would that mean?

“I’ll never be in a relationship”

And what would that mean?

“That I am unlovable.”   (Core Belief)

 

Step Two: Identify and Question the “Evidence”

 

Once you have identified your core belief, the first step to changing it is recognizing how it influences your emotions and behaviors. One way to do this is by keeping a regular log that records triggering situations, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Once you have identified the thought, emotion, and behaviors, you will develop a list of “evidence for” the thought, and “evidence against” the thought. This is a simple and effective way to reflect on how often our thought patterns are rooted in false assumptions.

Situation:

“My friend cancelled our coffee date”

Automatic Thought/Core Belief:

“I am unlovable”

Emotion:

“Sadness, rejection, shame”

Behavior:

“Isolate myself from others, don’t go to work, doom scroll”

 Evidence that Supports my Core belief:

“My friend cancelled our coffee date”

“I haven’t dated in 6 months”

“I don’t get likes on social media”

Evidence Against my Core Belief:

“My friend had to work”

“I just moved to a new city”

“My coworkers invite me out”

“My best friend texts me”

“I get along with most people”

“My sister comes over for movie night”

 

  

Step 3: Identify Your Alternative Core Belief

Now that you have mapped out how an external trigger dictates your automatic thought, emotion, and behavior, it’s time to compare the evidence “for and against” your core belief.

The above example illustrates how often we bypass the evidence that goes against our core beliefs and automatic negative thoughts. Once you have identified each column, work towards developing an alternative thought to the triggering situation- based on your evidence.

 

New Automatic Thought/Core Belief:

“She must have been busy, and I’m capable of moving forward with my day.”

Emotion:

“Confident, optimistic, focused.”

Behavior:

“Go for a hike, text a friend, finish project at home.”

 

Step 4: Practice Patience and Self-Compassion

Since our core beliefs are the product of many years of engrained messages developed from childhood, it will take time and patience to shift. The development and practice of self-compassion is necessary during any process of change and growth. Self-compassion is cultivated through being kind, understanding, mindful, and soothing to yourself when you are feeling inadequate. The antidote to self-judgment is self-compassion, and it begins with consciously shifting your thoughts when faced with the urge to react automatically.

One effective way to practice self-compassion is through the RAIN method: A core concept of Radical Acceptance (See , “Radical Acceptance: Your Gateway to Reduce Suffering”).

Recognize

Allow

Investigate

Nurture

Recognize what is happening in your body, Allow life to be just as it is, Investigate with gentle, curious attention, and Nurture yourself with loving presence.

Remember, core beliefs are just that: beliefs. They are not ultimate truths. You have the power to shift them through practicing insight, self-compassion, and non-judgmental awareness.