How to Cope: New Motherhood in Today’s World

Bringing life into the world as a new mom is a profoundly life
altering, perspective shifting, transformative experience- one that undoubtedly changes your life completely. Not only are you facing  a new identity as a mom, but you are faced with the physical and mental aspect of healing from birth, hormones balancing back out, different relationship dynamics,  figuring out breastfeeding, all while caring for a tiny little human who
depends completely on you for survival. The love that you feel cannot be matched, and you can’t imagine life without your baby, with your natural protective nature presenting itself in full force. The anxiety that comes along with the newness of being a new mom is normally mitigated through the support of not only your partner, but the vast tribe of family and friends that seem to flood your home as soon as baby arrives.

Both the mental and physical benefits of help from your support system are extremely important during the postpartum period, with research showing that a lack of social support is a significant predictor of the development of postpartum depression [1]. Now, let’s couple this with giving birth during a worldwide pandemic. As a woman who gave birth during the COVID-19 pandemic, I can empathize with the thousands of other women who are struggling with the lack of support, depression, anxiety, loneliness and confusion surrounding this time. Not being able to access care- whether mental health care, family support or post-natal care- due to economic or social reasons, can have negative effects on you and your baby. This is where the dilemma arises amongst many new mom’s out there who are struggle with post-partum anxieties during the pandemic, with questions
arising:

When can I see my relatives again?

Can they hold the baby?

Am I a bad mother if I choose to have my own mom stay
at the house to help out?

What are my options for access to mental health care?

Are the social and mental implications worth my baby not meeting her family?

Are babies getting Coronavirus?

What if I just need a hug?

When my partner is gone, what if I need extra help with the baby?

These are among the many questions that have risen in my own mind as I am raising my first child- and at 2 months old, the support that has been necessary during this crucial time for both me and my baby has been insurmountable. I fully promote that every new mom who is going through this experience to make her own personal, informed decision on the support system she develops and how she decides to mitigate any feelings of
anxiety, depression and loss of support. As a social work professional in training, I advise that you seek the help of a licensed therapist, as well as your doctor and pediatrician for medical advice. These are simply my own tools for getting through this tough time, tools that I have taken from my own
therapist, other moms and various books offering words of kindness, strength
and resiliency.

1.  Weigh the Cost and Benefits of Family Help

Whether you’re struggling to get nutritious meals throughout the day, the laundry is piling up, the dog has a vet appointment,
or you just need a solid stretch of sleep- life as a new mom requires
help. Even if you have constructed a plan in which how your partner could help out, the reality is that life with a newborn takes more than just two people to navigate through. This is when weighing out the risks and benefits of calling up a family member comes in. If you are struggling with making the decision to have a close family member or friend come stay at the house to help, first ask yourself these essential questions:  

• Is this person in a high-risk
  category?

• Has this person been quarantining for
  at least 2 weeks?

• Are they traveling from an area with
  a high number of cases?

• Is my mental and physical health
  suffering without the extra help?

• Will my ability to care for my child
  be affected without this help?

Answering these questions will help you navigate the pros and cons of getting the help you need with your new baby. And as this is a very personal choice, it is most vital to keep the health of your baby and yourself as the very top priority. If your doctor is strongly advising against a visitor to help at the house, take their advice- they are the experts and their top concern is mom and babies health and safety.

2.    Utilize Online Resources

Virtual therapy has become extremely popular throughout the pandemic, with many people suffering from isolation-induced anxiety, depression and loneliness- it is no wonder that mental health workers are being utilized to the highest extent. There are a number of resources available online, and with postpartum depression affecting 1 in 7 women [2], online platforms for therapy are essential during this vulnerable time. Here is a list of resources to reach out to:

Talk Space

https://lp.talkspace.com/try

Online therapy with a licensed therapist. You can find therapists who specialize in topics like women’s maternal mental health as well.

Moms Well

https://getmomswell.com/

A comprehensive maternal mental health care system aimed at supporting clinical decisions in maternal health disorders.

The Bloom Foundation

https://www.thebloomfoundation.org/

Provides interactive learning and resource sharing in a community-based platform on maternal health and wellness.

3.    Reach Out to Other New Moms

Nothing quite compares to the ability to relate and connect with someone who you know understands the struggles you’re facing. There has never been a time such as this in recent history where mothers are having babies during a global pandemic. This is where we can utilize community-based groups, online forums, Facebook groups and Facetime with other new moms to build allyship and comradery. The ability to be vulnerable and open with other women who can offer coping skills and words of
encouragement is going to help mitigate the effects of anxiety and loneliness during this time.

4.    Allow Yourself to Feel All the Feels

The sudden influx of emotions that floods through the body during the post-partum period can be extremely overwhelming. One minute you’re feeling total joy and adoration for your precious new baby, and the next minute you’re in a confusing storm of fear and anxiety- with the unknown nature of the pandemic not making these times any easier. With that uncertainty and lack of control comes a desire to push down any uncomfortable feelings, due to the fear of inner judgment, being an inadequate mom, or a slew of other perfectionistic traits that we tend to lean on. This is the moment where we give ourselves full permission to feel the entirety of what it means to be in the midst of the storm- the beautiful and joyful moments with our little one, the fearful moments and apprehension, the awe and pure love flooding through you while simultaneously feeling instinctually protective and anxious. This is all very normal, and the best way to process it is to let it pass through you in a non-judgmental way, which inevitably will aid in reducing your suffering by making room for acceptance.

5.    This Too Shall Pass

Think of a moment or event that you didn’t think you could get through, one that you struggled immensely to conquer- all with the uncertainty of how the end result would turn out. One can liken this to childbirth, with the lack of control intertwined with anticipation and worry. However, once we prove to ourselves that we have the innate strength and resolve to not only get through monumentally transformative events, but that we come out of it having evolved as a person. It is the heavy moments in life that give way to change and hold a light to the sublime parts of that lay dormant. As with childbirth, and as with the pandemic sweeping the world right now, these are transformative times that will undoubtedly pass- and they will pass having left us far more capable than we had imagined.