Radical acceptance is about accepting what life has presented to
you in the moment and not resisting it- in other words, it is a form of mindfulness and surrender. In the book, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha [1], Psychologist and author, Tara Brach, describes radical acceptance as a form of letting go of our fears and
false narratives.
“Feelings of unworthiness and shame are perhaps the most binding
elements in the trance of fear.”
It is the fear of the unknown, being judged, the unexpected, and the fear of others seeing parts of ourselves that we
perceive as “bad” that will keep us in the constant cycle of suffering. The 4 Noble Truth’s in Buddhism center around dukkha, which translates in English as “suffering,” with the most essential aspect of these teachings being our ability to sit with and accept our suffering as a means to end it. Brach’s
writings on radical acceptance align with the Buddhist tradition of true self-actualization and compassion lies in surrendering to our inner suffering. This comes in the form of building new habits that consist of feeling our emotions and practicing ways in which we can accept them as a signal towards healing. By sitting in
moments of uneasiness, fear, anxiety, or uncertainty- opposed to judging these emotions- it is there where we can build new neural pathways towards habitual radical acceptance.
1. Develop a personal Mantra.
The tendency to tell yourself a perpetual narrative in your mind
is all too common, and that narrative becomes a habit that rarely serves us. By developing a mantra that you tell yourself when faced with a difficult situation, you can work towards a new narrative. This mantra can be a simple phrase you repeat during a stressful event, which could be something like:
“I am here, I will get through.”
You could also practice imagining a grounding visual to replace intrusive thoughts, such as a sitting Buddha, a quiet and serene field, or a positive childhood memory.
2. Give yourself permission.
By allowing yourself to feel all emotions- fear, joy, despair, elation, guilt, anger, confidence- let them pass through you without judgement. Radical acceptance is about eliminating
suffering through practicing openness to one’s own experience and all the encompassing emotions that come with it.
3. Accept and embrace reality as it is.
When situations are beyond our control, we tend to gravitate
towards quick fix coping mechanisms that only serve us in the short term. This is a way to distract from realty and prevent the acceptance of what is happening, leading to suppressed emotions and underpinned anxieties. By accepting and embracing reality- no matter how painful or difficult- then those suppressed emotions have a chance to be released, which leads to a healthier mind, body, and spirit.
4. Recognize the things you cannot control.
The only thing we can truly control is our reaction to the world
around us, and it is a complex web of our past environmental, familial, and social experiences that shape those reactions. The more we can realize that our perception and reaction to what life presents to us is the only thing we can control, the easier that radical acceptance will become.
5. Actively take notice of your situation without judgement.
Perceiving a situation from a nonjudgmental lens cam be difficult, especially since human beings are naturally inquisitive- questioning ourselves, what others may think, what the future holds, etc. This is what leads us to judge ourselves in difficult situations, such as breakups, workplace conflicts or family dynamics. If we can hold a nonjudgmental space for accepting these inevitable moments in our lives that will come and go throughout, then the anxiety of the unknown will transform into welcome moments of radical acceptance.
Citations
[1] Brach, Tara. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. Bantam Publishing. 2004.
